I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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