If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
