I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
