Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
