This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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