Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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