once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
