Whatcha textin bout Willis?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
