Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
