I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
