The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
