I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
