After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
