I smell stomach acid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
