woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
