Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.