I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
