Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.