We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.