Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
