First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
