How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
