Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
