It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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