I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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