I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
