My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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