just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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