I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come on in and take your pants off
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