no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
