office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
