I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
