how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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