You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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