hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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