Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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