how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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