she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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