you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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