he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
