you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
