No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
