I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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