love makes seman taste better
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
