I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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