My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
