If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
