i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
