Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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