well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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