Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he high fived his dick after we had sex
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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