he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
