Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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