you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
