Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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