i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
