her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
