the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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