So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
