You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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