Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
