just come out here and I will go home with you...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
