So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
