I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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