i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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